It's close to midnight and I can't sleep. It's hard to lie in bed next to him when there has been so little contact for so long. He is deep in his depression right now, so he seems to only be focused inward, I don't even really seem to exist to him. He is seeing his counselor weekly now so I'm trying to be optimistic that things will get better, but the distance and loneliness make it so hard.

Hello. I would like to start this out by saying I'm not a writer, nor is this blog here to give advice, this is for me, so I have a place to be able to express my journey as I deal with my husbands depression. I want you to know I love my husband so very much, he is a amazing man that has brought the best out in me. I do not however love his depression, in fact I hate it. I hate that it robs me of my partner my best friend. I hate that it changes me into someone else as well. I hate that I am expected to be the champion, the savior. Google dealing with a depressed spouse ya know what comes up how to help them, what you need to do to make their life easier. Fuck that. Of course I want to help him, but damn it what about me.